TOP 10 X FACTOR MOMENTS 2010

7 Dec

So after about..9 years, the X Factor finally will be drawing to a close this upcoming Saturday. Who’s sad? Yes – me. I’m sad. Let’s get cake.

1. PUNCH AND NUDEY

The audition process since they changed it to having the ridiculous audience haven’t been my favourite stages in the past 2 series’ of X Factor, sure. But if it’s more likely that having an audience results in Primark-clad teenage girls punching eachother, then I am warming to the loveable yelling idiots.
‘Ablisa’  were not just unaccountably shit-legends for casual bodily violence, but for calling Louis Walsh ‘a fit old man’, not quite knowing whether or not they were sisters, auditioning for X Factor ‘cuz like dunno’ and if they didn’t think that they had enhanced phedophila quite enough – then this happened.
NSFW – And not safe for ANYTHING really.

2. MAKING THEM ALL DANCE AT BOOT CAMP

The forbidden dance

How can we degrade these people more? LET’S MAKE THEM DANCE. Oh, it was spectacular wasn’t it. Total props for Mary for just getting up there and stealing my moves.

I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I EXPECT YOU TO DO, MR MALIK.

It was very bizzare, watching them all encased in this bubble from Choreography from the 90s, but dance – they did. Except for a pre-One Direction Zain, who didn’t want to. So Simon, out of the goodness of his stone cold heart – went backstage and MADE HIM, and this was somehow turned into a sentimental bonding moment between the lad and his future mentor. But the whole thing was still quite funny, in a sort of ‘Someone really should have stopped Simon Cowell from watching Glee before he came to work today’ type way.

3. WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERES A WAISSEL

Love her, or want to stab her eyes out with little pins – Katie Waissel was one of the top talking points about X Factor 2010.  So we will make a miniature top ten within the top ten (I am in many ways, like Shakespeare.) of Katie’s most ‘Katie’ moments

1. Not actually properly singing a song to get through to Boot Camp! But hey! That’s just her.
2. Boot Camp furry hat.

Okay not a TOP moment, but admittedly quite nice.

3. The Waissel family’s unusual career aspirations
4. The constant (alleged) shagging of all things. James Blunt..bloke from Apprentice..Matt Cardle..The entire production team. Topshop. The loins of a FIGHTER.
5. Neil Buchannan Makeover = My favourite thing ever.
6. You know what…SOD IT. *Sits on the stage and does a big Art Attack.*
7. SHE’S THE JUNGLE VIP
8. Being in the Bottom 2 for a record breaking 4 times, but in the end – kicked out in a massive anti-climactic double eviction with Wagner.
9. Green Eyed World Part 5
10. This.

4. THE GROUP PERFORMANCES

More brilliance from the world of Brian and his minions – with the Group Performances, performing VERY VERY BAD SONGS, every week. Wagner rapping to Sonny J, Paije doing the WORST MIME EVER, Matt and Aiden clearly just taking the mick, the weird corresponding outfits…so so so much denim…Their performance of Telephone is my particular favourite. Stop calling, stop calling! Even though it’s the results show, you REALLY NEED TO STOP CALLING. PS: Wagner’s k-kinda busy. So don’t even bother.

5. IDIOCY FROM JUDGES CORNER

Here are the top 5 most mental moments from this year’s X Factor’s judging panel.

1. “You don’t want a tiger to lick you, you want a tiger to bite you.” – Simon
2. Konnie: How do you feel losing 2 acts in the space of 2 weeks? Dannii: Like shit.
3. Cheryl comparing One Direction to THE BEATLES.
4. Cheryl knowing FUCK ALL about Elton John.
5. And of course…

Hehehe.

6. AIDEN GRIMSHAW – DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

My favourite performance from X Factor this year was the way too early departed Aiden singing Diamonds are Forever in Week Three. After he admitted to being ‘a bit rubbish’ in the week previous with Jealous Guy – he totally came back like a bitch with this excellent Arctic Monkeys-do-Bassey homage. And he had a microphone made of chains, which was MINT. Pretty much the only X Factor performance I’ve ever enjoyed from a ‘Wow, I actually like this as MUSIC’ point of view. A rarity. Although Wagner doing O Fortuna was a  pretty close second…

A really close second.

7. THE OUTFITS

Under the command of Grace Woodward (no, not just Matt. Wahey? etc.) the X Factor contestants stole some of the glory of Cheryl’s Baco-Foil of the Week outfit choices. Cher’s tuxedo, Wagner’s bleeding eye, Aiden’s straight jacket, Rebecca’s hernia dress, Paije’s 1992, Katie’s helmet…The Big Red HairDye Fiasco of Week Two…


8. X FACTOR ON TWITTER

From Matt Cardle’s Hat, to Katie Weasel – the Twittersphere was awash with X Factor Twitterati this year, with the most wonderful 140 character witticisms the world has seen. And of course the X Factor contestants themselves use Twitter too – most prominently NICOLO – who after recieving the boot in the first live show (Belle Amie, I blame you somehow.) Nicolo drowned his sorrows instead of the most marvellous tweets of all time. Aside from Alan Sugar. Nobody out-tweets Alan Sugar.

Here are just a couple of my favourite X Factor Twitterings:

@Nic010
So I have x factor rehearsals for 4 days straight. Rehearsing WHAT exactly? I hope big orgy on live TV.
@Mattcardleshat
Quite drunk. So drunk. Me and Matt Cardles Sock are showing each other our willies!
@Popjustice
“Olly Murs with his brilliant debut album”. http://www.asa.org.uk/Complaints-and-ASA-action/How-to-complain.aspx
@Stuheritage
I want to write a power ballad for Mary, called Cleanup On Aisle Seven (Of My Heart)
@Razzamatazzz
X FACTOR’S SHIT. GOOD SHIT, THAT IS. (Follow this account, she’s amazing – seriously.)

9. WAGNER DISCOVERS BONGOS

The shock. The shock that went through my heart on the first live shows, where halfway through She Bangs, Wagner banged too. Before he found the blessed instrument, I thought he was just a throwaway novelty act. How wrong can one person be? Apparently very very wrong.

LOBE SHACK. I would love to be in a lobe shack with Wagner. Can someone set that up for me, please?

10. SIMON COWELL’S FANGS

If you feel so obliged, please send me your Top 10 X Factor moments from this year, and we can all gorge on the memories to death until we’re crying because it’s ALL OVER. Christmas is going to be shit.

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4 Responses to “TOP 10 X FACTOR MOMENTS 2010”

  1. Rose December 7, 2010 at 5:50 pm #

    Mary stole your moves? Finally I now know what you were doing on the Purechav dance floor.

  2. Emma Shaw December 7, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    Think I just wee’d a bit..

  3. Court December 8, 2010 at 12:10 am #

    Awesome post. Too many ridiculous memories of this season… God help me.

  4. melissaaaa December 13, 2010 at 9:43 am #

    LOL :’)
    goood memories 😀
    ‘diamonds are forever’ definatly
    one of my top two Aiden performances!
    gosh he is cute x

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