Top 10 WORST X Factor Moments

20 Dec

Oh, I never mentioned but – Matt won. He celebrated by doing this:

Aint he nice. But it wasn’t all fun and mild homo eroticism, and woman-beating. There was also those horrific dark moments of X Factor..that lingered beneath Wagner’s bongos. So, for one last time – it’s time to face the (probable) music…

 

1. Nicolo Leaving

The man who said ‘crap’ on ITV1 and then got promoted to saying ‘piss’ to Konnie Huq was the first to leave the X Factor final. Which in itself is the reason he should not have been eliminated. I blame Cheryl, who squinted and clenched her way through her Judges Response of Nicolo’s Just Dance. “IDONTLIKEIT – SIMON MAKE IT GO AWAY.” – Dick.

Of course, it wasn’t just this that led to poor Nicolo’s demise…

 

2. The Awkward Gamu Thing

To clarify, I was not a massive Gamu fan myself. But apparently, the entire rest of the UK and beyond was. Upon Gamu’s teary little face once she learnt her fate, WAR STARTED. I got a poorly knee. The Daily Mail slaughtered entire counties. Despite the fact – It was clear as Simon Cowell’s fake glasses  that Cheryl was going to pick Katie, Rebecca and Cher. Cher – because SHE STOLE CHERYL’S EYES. Rebecca because COME ON, OBVIOUSLY. And Katie, because Cheryl thinks singing sounds like this:

But it wasn’t the premature exit, the apparent ‘Visa’ issues that bothered me. Moreso the fact that – that walking on sunshine cover wasn’t THAT GOOD, was it? The Pixie Lott cover was..yknow. A Pixie Lott Cover. Was it because she wore a flower in her hair? A symbol of charisma perhaps? A symbol of NOTHING. Gamu was ‘alright’ – SHE WAS ALRIGHT, SHE WAS FINE. But apparently I am wrong – and she is a woman worth rioting for.

For the record – I TOO, can sing KC and the Sunshine Band. I too, am funky. Cheryl Cole presumably doesn’t like me either. So erm..war, anyone?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-11486081

3. Katie’s Mental breakdown Part #543

Oh sure, nobody was that arsed about TreyC. She just wore leather better than most…

(OKAY I DO MISS HER.)

But surely, surely she did not deserve to leave the X Factor – The Biggest singing Hair competition of 2010, when you’re singing TONI FUCKING BRAXTON against this:

THISISCHEATING. That’s not even her real hair.

4. PEOPLE LETTING CHLOE ‘MAFIA’ (Shut up) ON TELEVISION TWICE IN THE SAME YEAR

Oh, you know. The SLAAAAG. She was rubbish, also – and fucked up a Paul Weller song. GIVE ME ANGER. Simon, I know you’re a massive fan of people coming from council estates and going on a journey and coming out of it all wearing nicer mascara, but you are also a fan of Sinitta and Daniel Bedingfield. So, where do we go from here?

Here, apparently.

5. AIDEN’S EXIT

Aiden Grimshaw In Tents.

Obviously a ‘shock’ (Which was Buzzword of the Week the following episode) when one of the previous front-runners Aiden Grimshaw was eliminated by 0.20 percent of the vote, putting Katie Waissel through despite a record four times in the bottom two.  Obviously, quite annoying, because Aiden’s hair is FAR better than hers.

6.  DANIEL RADCLIFFE AND WAGNER NOT BEING SHOWN EVERY WEEK

Daniel Radcliffe meets Wagner

The greatest meeting of minds since…well, since Wagner met anyone, really – but yeah. They met. Daniel Radcliffe asked Wagner about lions. And then the BULLSHIT ITV1 EDITTING TEAM decided that was enough fun for one day, and presumably Cher sang Stay, as per usual. There is SO much footage of their entire conversation lost in the archives. This is MY Gamu.

7. MARY SINGING ‘THERE YOU’LL BE.’

Ack.


Okay, I’m not saying that this is the first time a contestant hasn’t been pitch perfect. But Ray Quinn wasn’t on the series, this year – so WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO. I just don’t like to tune in to DEPRESSED WOMEN on a Saturday Night. Depressed Women are for Tuesday Nights, with port. Lacking in port – what is the point. Still – it was better than this (Because everything tends to be…)

1.25.

8. THE EPIC JOHN ADELEYE/TREYC COHEN SING OFF IN WEEK 2

EVEN JOHN FORGETTING HIS LINES WAS BORING. God, at least Storm would have cried during a Bono backing track, or something.

9. LOUIS WALSH TRIES COMEDY

There isn’t anything to say.

10. WAGNER’S TRAGIC LOOK OF DISDAIN

And finally…

THE MOMENT WAGNER REALISED HE WAS WAGNER. Utterly heartbreaking.

1.45

My GOD.

GOODNIGHT FOLKS

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